Hi I'm Adri and my interests are quite varied just gonna apologize in advance for that.


fishingboatproceeds:

ohcurtains:

ofgeography:

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

  • it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

  • you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

  • AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

  • my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
  • my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
  • my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
  • me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

  • WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

"don’t expose my kid to that crap."

  • DON’T
  • EXPOSE
  • MY KID
  • TO THAT CRAP

"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."

  • I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
  • IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

  • my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
  • my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
  • my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • this is the best thing i’ve ever done

what an amazing story

Wow.

9rimes:

ALRIGHT LETS SETTLE THIS DEBATE. THIS IS A PRAYING EMOJI.

go to Settings 
go to General 
go to Accessibility (sixth option down)
the fourth option down is Speak Selection. turn it on.
open your notes or a messages i dont  fucking care but open an app and type the emoji
highlight the emoji and select Speak
listen to siri say “hands folded in prayer” 
sigh in relief that you havent been sending high fives to your friends when their grandma’s in the hospital or whatever
DEBATE OVER *mic drop*

9rimes:

ALRIGHT LETS SETTLE THIS DEBATE. THIS IS A PRAYING EMOJI.

  1. go to Settings
  2. go to General
  3. go to Accessibility (sixth option down)
  4. the fourth option down is Speak Selection. turn it on.
  5. open your notes or a messages i dont fucking care but open an app and type the emoji
  6. highlight the emoji and select Speak
  7. listen to siri say “hands folded in prayer”
  8. sigh in relief that you havent been sending high fives to your friends when their grandma’s in the hospital or whatever

DEBATE OVER *mic drop*

airoehead:

yifflord:

would you rather date a person in their “RAWR :3 XD LOLOLOL TROLLED!!! .3.” phase
or drop raw onions in your eyes?

image

broccoliavenger:

meulins-choice-ass:

87daysbefore:

me: 

image

you:

image

Lemon is someone out  theres favorite.

thats the most uplifting thing ive read all day

"When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part."
- John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany (via wordsnquotes)

troyleristhoulife:

berrykillings:

Remember when Nickelodeon had a song about sexual harassment

Never forget

k-elizabeth-t:

This boy at Target asked if I would hold his hand because his ex girlfriend just walked in with a new guy, so naturally I felt bad and held his hand while strolling around Target for a bit. Then it donned on me, with no other couple in sight, that was the best damn pick up line ever pulled.

blinking-red-light:

"We heard a little girl… GOT SERIOUSLY BURNED!"

stunningpicture:

Daughter passed a milestone today

stunningpicture:

Daughter passed a milestone today

findouteverything:

pharoahsectotherm:

sapientpawnkeeper:

somebody should write an essay comparing and contrasting tina from bob’s burgers and meg from family guy and explain why tina hit the mark for respectfully portraying the awkward teenage years and why meg is a huge fucking insensitive joke that isn’t even funny

Tina is a character, Meg is a punchline. 

wow that’s a pretty concise essay

d0nn0:

jxydx:

Imagine a world where dogs do not exist………

no

AT